Make a difference

There is so much potential to make a difference in the world. We have so much and yet many of us spend our days too busy to take time for ourselves, to stop and really hear what someone else is saying, to be kind to a cashier, waiter...

It is the little things that add up to a well lived and beautiful life. Pay attention to the opportunities to share a smile, ease stress, create laughter...it doesn't take from you to share a bit of kindness, in fact kindness is a great strategy of self-care. When you offer something as simple as a kind word it fills you up too.

Do it today, commit to intentionally looking for opportunities to share a kind thought or gesture with someone else and notice what it does for you too!

"It is one of the beautiful compensations
of this life that no man can sincerely try to help
another without helping himself"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Worry

I'm back home. I have to say that being on Oregon soil feels amazing. I appreciate it more when I leave once in awhile.

I was back East visiting my family and there were times that worry and guilt came up in conversation. I feel sad when these emotions come up often because from my view they don't support anyone. Not the person feeling worry or guilt or the one those feelings are related to.

My Mom thinks worry is genetic. I know I have worried a lot in the past and I still worry some but what I know now is that underneath the worry are a lot of other feelings and needs. If I connect the worry feeling with a need-for consideration, respect, clear communication- the anxiety subsides a bit and I find a way to ask for support or support myself. Guilt is similar, what need is not being met when you feel guilty? What might you need to request of yourself or another? Exploring the needs underneath the feelings allows you to better understand yourself and that in itself is very freeing. The NVC website is on the blog if you want more information about how to support yourself by learning new communication skills.

"We can play with our lives, loosening the imprint of society and family and class and profession that demands we become who we are not and that we believe the falsification. We can be whoever we want to be, for an evening, an afternoon, a day, an hour- even a few minutes can be remarkabley refreshing- and then return to our familiar identities. They will be waitning, ready for us to adopt then whenever we feel the need."
-Nina Wise

School

Today is the last day of school for my children. It's always a day with mixed emotions. Excitement for summer with a twinge of sadness at another year ending. It's a beautiful mixture, a bit of loss for what was and a bit of joy for what lies ahead.

A metaphor for life; changes, loss, joy... are intertwined in all of our lives, day in and day out. Children are more in the moment though, and its fun to watch them move into the next phase being so present and accepting.

I will be out of town until June 28th so will not be writing during that time.

May you all be present in as many moments as possible, and share that simple, profound gift with the world.

Remember-it's the moments that take your breath away that are spectacular-BREATHE!

Right or Connected

Is it more important to be right or to stay connected?

When I can ask myself this question in the midst of a challenging conversation, I can choose.

I'll be honest sometimes in the moment I choose right over connection. I learn a big lesson from it each time. The key for me is to really embody the lesson. It doesn't feel good in my body, heart, or mind to be disconnected, angry, or resentful.

When I choose connection and understanding it feels so much lighter. My heart feels light, my breath is full, and I am at peace in that moment.

"All spiritual practice brings us face to face with our particular resistance. It's important to remember that resistance isn't what keeps us from our spiritual work. It is our spiritual work" -Rabbi Avram Davis

Reaching out

Have you ever had a connecting moment as you wait in line at the grocery store, getting gasoline, stamps...
You have a conversation or share a smile with a stranger and it feels good. It shifts your perspective for the moment and maybe for the day.

Take that on for today. Whenever you have the opportunity; meet someone's eye, smile, connect, do it and notice how you are transformed.

It's contagious!

"We can only end the epidemic of isolation if we make contact."
Nina Wise

Overwhelm

Overwhelm comes from living in the future, and so many of us spend our days running from one activity to the next.

The sense of overwhelm releases our stress hormones which can wreak havoc with our health and for some their weight, which then wreaks havoc with our ability to be high functioning, joyful individuals.

It's just a cycle, and if you take the time to notice and pick one simple piece to work on you will see change. It takes a willingness to step out of your busy story and into the moment.

Is today the day?

Notice your busy story, take a breath and ask yourself "Can I choose something different in this moment?"

"The solution for me ,surely, is neither
in total renunciation of the world,
nor in total acceptance of it"
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Acceptance

"Performing an action in the state of acceptance
means you are at peace while you do it."
-Eckhart Tolle

How do we embody acceptance?

First by simply recognizing that it is a choice within each of us.

Acceptance is a state of awareness. It's being with whatever is happening now without judgment. When you can accept what is then you are at peace in that moment. Peace with yourself, peace with the situation, or person, that is right in front of you.

It's a moment to moment practice, if you forget to do it in this moment you simply get to commit to it in the next.

For today practice acceptance, and notice if you feel more peace.

Namaste

Hungry

“The sufferers of bulimia will often make themselves vomit so they can continue eating. Their mind is hungry, not their body. This eating disorder would become healed if the sufferers, instead of being identified with their mind, could get in touch with their body and so feel the true needs of the body rather than the pseudo needs of the mind”
-Eckhart Tolle


When I read this I recognized that it isn’t just bulimia or even an eating disorder that he is talking about here. Its any disorder that is connected to our thoughts rather than our body and spirit.

This reading is a reminder that if we can simply recognize that our mind is hungry for something and then check in with our body and spirit we can then choose to feed those thoughts in our usual fashion or...is there another way?

P.S. F.Y.I. This site has been offline a lot this week so my posts have been sporadic.

Healthy families

I received this comment on my blog yesterday and thought I would respond here and maybe it will support more than the writer.

“I am wondering if you are familiar with the TV program "Honey We're Killing The Kids" I have twins who are 12 and seem to have been "blessed" with heavier body types. I am not proactive and not really sure how to help them without nagging every time they put something in their mouths. When I suggest we go for a walk or ride the bikes they say "we are not fat for our age." I explain it is not about the weight it is about health. They don't want to go. How can I help them?”

I have heard about the TV program but hadn’t seen it. I googled it and if any one wants to know more about it here is the link. I have to say it’s a catchy title! http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tv_and_radio/honey/. The show has some similarities to coaching in that people are choosing to make a change so there is some level of readiness. I get a sense from what I saw that health is presented as more than nutritious eating and exercise. The host of the show works with each family for three weeks and makes more changes as time goes on. No sugar, less screen time, family meals, increased exercise and family activities… The show looks like an opportunity to engage millions of people to think more seriously about living healthy, balanced lives.

My response to your question “How can I help them?” is:
What is your commitment to health?
What kinds of food choices are available in your home?
What does living a healthy life mean to you and how do you share that with your children?
What feelings does the response “we are not fat for our age” evoke in you?
Get very clear about what you are wanting and why, enlist support from your partner and start having conversations about what health/wellness means to you, what changes are you wanting to make, how will you begin, and why you want to make them. Share these thoughts with your whole family. One of the first steps to becoming a healthier household is to observe your own health and start from there. Children learn so much more from what we model than what we say.

When you suggest going for a walk or ride communicate what is it about for you? For example: I would really enjoy getting outside and walking with you, it would meet my need to get some fresh air, exercise, and hear about your day. Would you be willing to take a walk with me? If they say no, be open to options and continue your path to health.

For healthier eating options remember we are the ones who bring food into the house. As we change what we buy our kids will shift what they eat. I believe one of the key components of this is continuing the discussion around why. Health is more than our physical bodies and it is very related to happiness. Kids can understand it on that level. Engage their natural curiosity, desire for happiness, and connection to the present moment. Wellness is a mind, body, and spirit shift and with children connecting all the dots is a gift far greater than you imagine.
Have playful conversations, make it fun, get support, and engage them from a place of love.

P.S. I appreciate comments and am happy to address questions with ideas, reframes, perspective, another question…

Quinoa Salad

Serves 4

1-cup quinoa (quinoa is a grain that can be found at most stores now but definitely at Health Food stores, its high in protein.)
2 cups water
2–3 cloves garlic peeled and minced
2/3 cup chopped scallions
1 cup tomatoes, seeded and chopped
2/3 cup seeded and chopped cucumbers
2/1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint or 11/2 tablespoons dried mint
1 bunch arugula – washed and finely chopped
1 cup toasted chopped walnut
1 head red leaf lettuce washed and torn

Rinse quinoa and place in a pot with the water. Bring to a boil, cover, and simmer on low for 20 minutes, or until all the water is absorbed. Let the quinoa cool and then transfer to a serving bowl. Mix together the garlic and scallions with the quinoa. Stir in the remaining chopped vegetables and herbs.
½ cup olive oil
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1-tablespoon light miso
1-tablespoon tahini
1- tablespoon water- adjust for consistency
Salt and pepper
Blend ingredients, adjust amounts to taste. Pour 1/2 of dressing over quinoa and, if you have time, allow it to marinate for ½ hour. Toss the rest of dressing with lettuce and place lettuce on plates, scoop quinoa salad on top, garnish and serve. You can eliminate the tahini and miso if you don’t have it available.

Practice

I love this- I have some homework for you this week.
I was reminded of this while reading Eckhart Tolles new book.

This week whatever you think others are withholding from you- love, appreciation, support, connection- give it to them.

Practice abundance, if you don't have it act like you do and see what happens. We attract what we give and what we give is our inner state.

Give Big and let the magic begin!

What is your favorite color?

What is your favorite color?

My son asks me this question 3 or 4 times a week as he wakes up and begins his day.

It's one of our little rituals.

When he first began to ask, I answered my usual favorite color. Over time I found my pat answer beginning to shift.

I look around and notice the color of the sky, the mug I am holding, the color of his hair, his sisters pajamas, and with a smile share my favorite color in this moment. When I answer it begins a deeper discussion and I share why I chose the color I did, what feelings it evokes, or what it reminds me of.

The yellow of his hair reminds me of the color of tall, dry grasses in the fall and I smile as I touch his head. And then he shares with me.